I Tried Applying for Section 8 in Iowa. Instant Regret.

Housing choice vouchers are portable between participating areas, but not all landlords accept them. The program has been expanding acceptance requirements.

“Just a couple papers,” she said with a chewed-up Bic pen jammed between her fingers like a cigarette substitute. “Simple process.” Yeah. Right. You ever try decoding what counts as “income” after job search compliance law updates? Try doing that from a library computer where the timer flashes red after 29 minutes and some clicky old guy keeps coughing behind you. Disaster recovery grant services? Don’t even get me started. They put in ramps and fixed two ceilings but I called the number on the flyer and it routed me to Nevada for some reason. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Iowa, Baby… Where Dreams Go to Wait in Line

I grew up half believing Section 8 was fake. Like a rumor adults used. Because no one I knew actually got it, even though we all tried. My mom called it “housing lottery” and she wasn’t wrong. First time I applied, I got the packet and my heart did this weird flutter like it actually believed something. But then I filled it out in blue ink. Disqualified. Blue. Ink. Not even kidding.

Anyway, months later, post-pandemic era, job search compliance rules started changing again. I thought that might mean something. Wrong again. Did you know in Iowa City, the housing authority requires proof that you’ve been applying for jobs consistently? Not even just any jobs—”reasonable employment efforts” they call it. If you don’t have a car and you’re not on CityBus’ route map? Sucks to suck. >_<

Then there’s the service disparity… Cedar Rapids vs. Sioux City? Night and freaking day. Cedar’s portal worked. Sioux sent me paper forms that looked like they were copied from a fax machine in 1992. One of them literally had the name “Debbie” whited out and rewritten in sharpie. Debbie, girl, you good?

The Application Broke Me (But Not Really But Kind of)

I read somewhere you’re supposed to save every single check stub, tax document, benefits statement, rent receipt, utility letter, hospital bill, student loan note, and, yes, even old food stamps records. Why? Because one box on page 5 of the Section 8 application asks:

“Do you or any member of your household receive income from side work, gifts, or informal arrangements?”

Okay so what if your cousin Venmo’d you $100 to babysit her kid while she went to her ASL course? Is that informal? Is that gifts? IS THAT INCOME?? I circled ‘No’ but then scribbled ‘Maybe’ and crossed out both. Did I even make sense?

Stat Break: Last year, Iowa processed 1,240 Section 8 applications. Only 145 were approved in under 90 days. That’s less than 12%. And no I didn’t get in. :/

Hard Truths: My Housing Specialist Had a Pet Parrot

And it squawked mid-phone call, “NOT A VALID FORM!” I’m not even joking, she said the bird learned that phrase from years of her job. Must’ve heard it 5,000 times. Parrot’s name was Lulu. I wanted to love Lulu but also? Lulu can shut up.

What nobody preps you for is the language. It’s all coded. “Fair Market Rate” sounds cute until you Google it and realize it’s based on 40th percentile incomes… from 2018. In Des Moines that was, what, like $720 for a 2-bedroom? Try finding a mold-free place at that price. Seriously. Try.

Sample Application? Yeah I Still Have It

I mailed it certified, got the signature confirmation. Then silence. Three weeks. Then a notice: “Application incomplete – missing page 4.” WHAT?? I stapled those pages myself. I counted. Page 4 had the income explanation where I wrote, “currently in-between gigs, have food stamps.” They said resubmit. Another 3 weeks.

Counterintuitive Bit: Honesty Slows You Down

I met this woman outside the PATH building who said she never lists child support, never lists part-time gigs, only checks the boxes she knows they can verify. “The more they have to read, the more they delay.” I mean… she might be wrong. But she got housing. I’m still couch-surfing. Rage is a flavor now.

She also told me they prioritize people who’ve stayed at shelters. Like you gotta crash at Haven House for 3 nights to prove desperation. I don’t know if that’s true. But Iowa ain’t California. We got three shelters total, two of them “Christian-based” with curfews and chores.

Punchline Without a Joke

You know what happens when your mail doesn’t make it? Nothing. No call. No warning. No text. Once that application gets flagged, it doesn’t get fixed. It’s dead. You’re just… left there reapplying like a dope. “Just try again next cycle!” What cycle? My friend’s cousin’s spot came after 7 years on the waitlist. She got a two-bedroom in Mason City. It has lead paint signs on the windows and a toilet that leaks yellow, but hey. Roof overhead, right?!

Anyway here’s something I wrote on a napkin once, sitting in the public library parking lot eating sunflower seeds because my food card failed that morning:

“I swear to god if one more form asks for a W-9 I will print a fake business card and start charging people for watching Judge Mathis with them.”

All this to say: I’m not bitter. Okay, I am a little. ☹ But I’m also still checking the mail. Still asking again. Maybe I need a parrot, too.

Section 8 environmental review processes ensure housing safety. Lead paint and other hazards matter.